I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
