I must be too annoying 4 u.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
