cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
