just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you didnt know i had herpes?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
