You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
