Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
