He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
