So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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