What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Randomize
