dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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