At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
