it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
