that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
