Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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