epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
