Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I would ride that face into the sunset
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
