Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
