you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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