i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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