I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
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if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
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lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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