All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
