I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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