If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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