We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
