I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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