Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
