like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
