well I can't set my house on fire every night
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
