Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
