what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
