So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
