She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
