Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
