In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
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