"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You left your phone here
Wait...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
