Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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