Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
