So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
