He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize