You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
