someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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