You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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