too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
