White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
