Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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