I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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