just tell him i said nine months
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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