words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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