Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I've blown a few things in my day
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
