So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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