Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
