you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
