I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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