did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
