i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
