yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
