I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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