i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Randomize
