She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
