I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
