If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
