is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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