i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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