I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
