I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
