I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
