Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
