I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
