I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize