Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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