True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
