You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
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