absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
