He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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