Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
