I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
