At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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